My Biggest Mommy "Failure" . . Any Suggestions?
Good Morning and Happy Monday!!
Wow -- The Heart of the Matter Conference was such a BLAST and we have already received wonderful feedback. If you attended, I am working on an exit survey for the conference right now that we hope to send out soon. Please be on the lookout for that so you can truly get your voices heard and help us to make next year's event that much better (anonymously, of course!! We want brutal honesty... ok, well maybe not BRUTAL lol)
While that is going on, I am attempting to catch up on all of my emails, bloggy friends posts, my own posts and oh yeah -- HOUSE CLEANING! I did not get much done last week at all with this house, plus the girls were ABLE (see, I am choosing to think of it as a fun privilege and not horrible parenting) to watch a lot of fun videos and play play play while I was logged into the conference . . . so I am sure I don't have to tell you that there are toys everywhere, food and juice cups being found in strange places, sticky floors and mountains of clothes to wash LOL! I am going to be in MAJOR cleaning mode for the next two days but it almost seems silly to do too much deep cleaning with what I have in store starting this weekend. . . .
Last summer I started potty training my oldest, Jordan, who was then 2 1/2. We got a "Potty Patty" doll, locked ourselves into my master bathroom for two days with lots of toys and worked on learning how to use the potty. It went well, I wasn't comfortable enough in parenting to truly tailor the program I was using to our family so I did make a few mistakes, but she was pretty much trained. At night, I had purchased plastic pants to put over her training pants but they were velcro -- as in I paid too much money for them and got them off a so-called experts website -- that did not stay on very well, so we decided to go to Pull Ups. Things went well for several months . . . she would not be trained when she was at the nursery or anything, apparently she didn't want to stop playing to do something as silly as go potty lol, but at home, all was well. Then things started to slowly backslide. Then before I knew it, total regression.
I have been told by many, including some who are very knowledgeable about this sort of thing, that it is very common for older siblings, especially when they are so close in age (14 months apart), to regress when they see their younger siblings still in diapers. That plus totally messing up with pull ups led us to where we are now. Now, I know that the beauty of homeschooling is that we do not have to follow social norms -- there is no real need for my girls to potty train by a certain age for school or anything, they COULD wait until they were totally ready and just "start doing it" like I have read from so many other homeschool moms -- BUT with the rising costs of groceries, I just cannot afford diapers and pull ups anymore! Also, Jordan does do a good job when she remembers, the pull ups were just really confusing for her and Cali has been "asking" about it for awhile now, but I wasn't brave enough to do it on my own again lol. I needed my husband here for reinforcement for two of them :-)
The Plan??? We waited until Gregg could take a week off of work, and we are going to go COMMANDO TRAINING :-) Both girls at the same time, no pull ups ever again, just training pants and real underwear. We have been gearing up for this and the time is coming. . . Gregg works his usual half day on Friday which is when we will begin to introduce the topic and then starting Saturday morning . . . IT IS ON!! :-) (side note, we are doing a unit on China this week and a unit on The Olympics all next week, so we won't only be doing potty training, but it will be Mommy's primary focus!)
So, Potty Training has been my biggest Mommy Failure... Jordan is 3 (will be four in November) and has gone from not trained, to trained, back to not trained in a matter of a year and I do not want a repeat performance of that failure. So I am enlisting YOUR HELP!! I have a few questions that I would love to get your input on and would also LOVE to hear any tips you have -- methods, rewards, consequences, anything you want to share!!! So, without further adu, MY QUESTIONS :
- As I mentioned before, last time I was locked into my Master Bathroom for two days. Why? It is the only room in the house that can be closed off that isn't carpeted. Our kitchen and entry are ceramic tile but I have an open floor plan that connects my kitchen to my family room. Luckily, if you can say that, my family room now already has spills and stains (berber carpet was not the wonderful thing I was told it would be, at least not with two toddlers) so I am not as concerned. I CANNOT lock myself into that bathroom again - I will go insane! --so we will be in our living room. I will probably push apart my large sectional sofa and have the big open floor exposed (picking up my nice-ish Bassett rug of course). I will bring a potty seat into the living room, and have both a potty seat and a child friendly smaller seat on the toilet in the hall bath which is just a few running steps away. MY QUESTION TO YOU -- any tips for covering the carpet? Should I put down a tarp? Plastic table cloth? blankets? Either way, our steam cleaner will be on stand by LOL
- Along the same lines I guess, there are some that say you should put them in the pants right away, others that say you should have them without pants at all for the first day or two so it is easy, and then work in the pants part. . . What do you recommend? Did a particular plan of attack work best for you? Why or why not?
- NIGHT TIME -- I have purchased the plastic Gerber pants (although the largest size is a bit tight for my oldest, any other suggestions?) and will have down a pad underneath the sheets. . . my question is about going to the bathroom at night. My girls share a bedroom upstairs, and my husband and I will be in our room downstairs. Last year when training, I had placed a potty chair in her bedroom. It was around that time that I was so paranoid about them going into the bathroom by themselves at night -- thinking they could somehow drown or hurt themselves or something -- that I put one of those handy dandy childproof door knob covers on the inside of their door. . . is that horrible?? ANYWAY, Jordan did well with that until she then decided to start going potty and then take the cup out of the seat and then pour THAT all over my floor -- it would have been better if she would have just peed all over my floor because then it probably would have occured during movement or something and wouldn't have been so concentrated!!! In fact, she became like a dog (sorry honey, Mommy loves you!) marking her territory by always taking the cup and pouring it out in the same exact spot in her room!!!! So we took that out of her room, and didn't come up with a great alternative then, which probably helped to get us to where we are now..... SO.... I am thinking I need to go ahead, bite the bullet and take the doorknob cover off and allow them access to the bathroom at night. Does anyone else have those fears about the bathroom? Any tips on things I can do to alleviate those fears? They never do anything crazy during the day or anything but the night seems so mysterious I just don't know what could happen. . . maybe I have seen too much TV. Also, any suggestions for things to tell them so they know they can come out and use the bathroom BUT then go back to bed? :-)
- Finally, somewhat related, I still do have the "approved gate" at the top of my stairs but haven't used it in a very long time. If I am going to take the doorknob covers off of their door, they will be able to come down the stairs at night if I do not put the gate up. My girls are 3 ( 4 in November) and 2 (turned 2 in January). Does anyone have concerns with children this age being on the stairs in the middle of the night? They are totally fine, of course, during the day, but I have never had to be concerned before about the nighttime with limited visiblity. Any suggestions or tips? Should I leave up the gate or let them have free access?
OK, I guess that is it! If you subscribe to this feed, as many of you do, you can comment like usual by email (by responding to the feed) BUT it might be fun for others who have similar questions to follow your response.... BUT I am greedy and would prefer you to respond any way that will get you to respond LOL, as I need some HELP in this department! And, like I said, I would also LOVE to hear your potty training stories -- if you want to share your own failures that would be nice (let me know I am not alone here girls lol), as well as Success Stories :-)
Depending on responses, I might list some favorite replies in an upcoming post so make sure to leave a blog address if you would like me to link to you!!!
Have a WONDERFUL week!!
14 comments:
This is not meant to be mean, but-I laughed out loud reading this! I have potty trained 4 kids, and none were the same. My number 3 took a YEAR! I kid you not. My husband trained the youngest in a weekend. I should have made him do them all!
My advice-praise and bribe. Put nightlights by the stairs, so you won't worry about that. Don't worry about the carpet-rent the Rug Doctor when its over.
Good Luck!
Beth
Potty training - my favorite parenting job - NOT! :)
I share some of your same concerns.
Only our 7 year old has access to it at night (and I've only been comfortable with that for about a year.) 4 yr. old and 2 yr. old daughters wear pullups at night b/c I don't want them in the bathroom while I'm asleep. :)
We kept the gate up at our stairs until recently b/c our oldest rolled down them in his sleep when he was 4 yrs. We have a doorknob cover on inside of 2 yr. old's door b/c she would be all over the house at night if we didn't!
I never covered carpet - diaper wipes are terrific for cleaning up stains.
I've never given consequences - only rewards. I tried lots of methods with our son, but 4 yr. trained herself and I'm letting our almost 3 yo. do the same.
I totally understand the need to quit buying diapers, and may go ahead and train her if she's not done it by the time she's 3.
With oldest, the best method for him was setting a timer every 20 minutes and taking him. Then gradually lengthening the time between trips. Different things work for different children, though. Praying for you. :)
Blessings,
Shannon
Thinking of you. Can you focus maybe on days first and leave nights until later? My eldest took until she was 5 before she was dry at night. I am currently putting off no4 DDs training (she is 2 1/2)as there is another baby coming and it is just too hard :) All of my girls (3) so far that have trained have been trained and then gone back wards about 4-6 months after and had lots of accidents I think they get confident and then forget while playing. Good luck and I will be thinking of you.
P.S. can you sew? There are some patterns on line for free for making training pants. Let me know if you want me to send you the link.
Shaz
This is so funny, I had tears from laughing. My son was the same way so I understand how you feel. Don't worry she'll get there and you will be looking back on this and laughing.
What finally worked for us was we finally took diapers away and he just did it on his own. He was 3 when he finally got the hang of it. We started at 2 which is way too early...
Good Luck!
Um...we didn't attempt training at all until they could make it through the night...oldest was 3.5. They all regress at least for a time or two though! I wish i had good advice on 'how' to train...having trained 4 and all but all we really did was have a package of character laden panties and a big present of their choice to celebrate when they made it two weeks accident free day/night. They could look at them all they wanted but could not touch! (We spent about $30 on said toys...we really wanted to entice.) Some trained immediately, some took months but it was a big celebration when they got their underpants and big present. If your will power is weak I do not suggest this method. LOL
Like someone else said, every child is different. Some just get it quickly others seem to take forever. I don't think that you can push it when they are not ready. Watch for interest. Buy the training pants. they are thicker and at least help from so much getting on the floor and they can feel the wet. That is the problem with pull ups - it is just a diaper made like underwear. It pulls the wetness away from the child so they don't get the uncomfortableness of being wet like they do with real underwear!
As for the bed - I would invest in waterproof mattress pads. They have nicer ones now with something better than just vinyl. They work beautifully. We still use them even on our bed - that way if someone is sick throw up doesn't make it to the mattress or no drink spills either. I like the idea of concentrating on daytime - then worry about the nights.
I have heard a variety of things like give a special toy they only get when on the potty. Tee Tee was not a problem for us - it was the pooping we had a problem with. We wrapped a present and put it on the potty. Our daughter got to open it when she pooped on the potty. It was coupons for Chuck E Cheese and she got a trip to CEC once she was pooping. I have heard candy/treats when they used the potty- but you just have to try to find something that works. Make it something out of the norm they don't normally get.
Depending on the size of your home having easy access to the potty in the early stages is critical. If they have a long way to go they are less likely to make it. By the time they realize they have to go, then get there it may be too late. Invest in more than one potty chair. You can find them at yard sales and local thrift/consignment stores. Have one for each of the girls and let them personalize them with stickers. Put them in the play area with a good plastic mat underneath them. Seeing the potty may help as a reminder. Also, take advantage of warm weather. Play outside with real panties - messes out there aren't nearly as bad as inside! For my boy - this was the trick. He loved to be able to tee tee by the tree!
Good luck - but beware! Once they are potty trained, you have to be ready to visit all the public restrooms out there! For that, I would rather both mine still be in diapers!!
Our tip would be to wake them up (or just carry them) to the bathroom at midnight-1am to go potty. Some kids don't have the bladder function until much much later (meds are available too) to get through the night. This usually runs in families.
Anyway, we go to bed around midnight - 1am and it always got them through the night if we took them. Can't speak to the 'too busy to stop and go potty' problem... sigh! This too shall pass! Good luck!
I will be arriving there shortly with my 23 month old so I feel ya. I have p.t. four sons before her but they were all different. My oldest basically trained himself by watching the other children at daycare. He decided to use the potty one day and never looked back. Not even an accident. My twins were rough and took some time. I staked them on the pots shortly after meals/drinks. I made them wear those terry cloth undies til soaked. My mom said that they should feel the wetness so they could learn when to go plus the wetness became uncomfortable feeling to them. It was a long process. I think it took 2 weeks. My youngest son was no problem. He watched all of his big brothers go before him so he didn't take long to get out of pull ups. Hopefully, dd will be the same. ;)
Just be patient and consistent. Award and praise them when they go.:)
I have enjoyed reading everyone's comment. I'm probably least qualified here. My DD potty trained just before her 2nd birthday in June. We forgot to put pull-ups on her one night and she was dry the next morning. We were psyched!!!! Then, I went out of town for a week (without her!!!). After 6 weeks of dry at night and naps, it was a nightmare of pee when I got home. I took 1 full week of going through EVERY SINGLE sheet I owned for her bed, just for nap time before I put her back in pull-ups at nap and night only. She regressed during the day, but I was NOT putting her in pull-ups during the day...I knew the accidents would be short lived.
So...she wears pull-ups during naps (some days...sometimes I forget and other days she won't put it on)and always at night now. Our problem is that she goes pee when she wakes up...she'll just sit on her bed and go. I think she's not awake enough to even know she's doing it. She's still so young.
We bribed with a small marshmallow for #1 and a large marshmallow for #2. Later came stickers to change things up. She stills occasionally asks for a marshmallow. But, the best thing was to make a complete fool of ourselves cheering when she goes.
And...the previous poster was right on with the public restroom comment. It's so much fun to go flush other toilets and use new sinks (especially the automatic ones)
Anyway...Have a fun weekend:-)
We too did the commando method (if you will) with all 4 of our boys and it worked great. We did, however, not approach this method until they were really ready and showing signs and avid interest. Up to that point, we would just encourage them to use the potty when we changed diapers and were getting ready for a bath. Our big boys are triplets and they all trained at the same time, but again, they all had the same signs of readiness. In the beginning, we set the timer for 20min and they would try and go (notice we kept fluids free and flowing to help this along). They all actually did great and with minimal accidents (again, I believe they were truly ready and this is, imho, key). We did this process for about 5 days and then moved into big boy underpants. Our big boys were great incentive for our littlest one who just wanted to be like his big brothers and wear big boy underpants. :-)
Hi Rachel,
Thank you for the encouraging comment you left on my blog! I just wanted to let you know that I posted my 6th graders end-of-the-year summary on my blog.
Blessings!
Under curriculum review on my blog I wrote a very short review on Roots and Fruits. The book gives you ideas for games to make. you can use it for grades K-12. I haven't posted my 6th graders reading log yet.
I have four DDs. The oldest just turned 9. We still struggle with her night and day! My 3rd trained very quickly after her 2nd birthday. Here's a few things I've learned the hard way. 1) Don't worry about your carpets. Just spot clean and then when the training is all done have them cleaned professionally. 2) Go straight to regular underwear. If you have to leave the house, or at nighttime, put the Pull Ups over the underwear so that they will feel wet. 3) After the daytime is tackled, use the vinyl bed covers, but turn them around so the vinyl side (not the soft cotton side) is facing the sheet. Sounds icky to sleep on I know, but then all you have to do is use a Clorox wipe on it each night. Also they are more motivated to be able to turn it around. 4) Buy a Piddle Pad (they sell them at One Step Ahead) to put in the base of their car seat for a while so you aren't stuck taking apart and washing a car seat pad every other day. 5) Most important, and believe me this has been my struggle with my oldest, DO NOT let them know how much an "accident" bothers you. Because if they think it bothers you it will become their weapon of choice for revenge when they do not get their way. Blessings.
oh the joys!
With our 4 so far (all successful with no regression, praise God), we have waited until they were good and ready... usually 3+ (I decided that washing sheets and the PAIN of a million messes was worse than the cost of a few more months of diapers)
That's just me!
I think this is prompting a blog post! :)
Amy
Trujillo, Peru
homeschoolblogger.com/amada
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